Thursday, June 25, 2009

No Passport Required


By Judith Garfield

“Why do the wrong people travel, while the right people stay back home?”

According to Noel Coward, who wrote those words for his Broadway show “Sail Away,” I am one of the right people. I always stay home. Been doing it for years. A few family excursions long ago and that’s about it.

It occurs to me that people who like to cook are people who like to travel. They tend to be open to experimentation, with excellent planning skills. This would not describe me. For someone who has trouble following recipes, itineraries are out of the question. I didn’t even go on a honeymoon.

It has nothing to do with fear of flying. More like fear of crying…babies, or prying, by the armrest hog who tells me his life story and wants to know mine – all before the plane takes off.

Besides, I have come to the realization that most of the world looks like New Jersey. Really, it’s true. Seen one countryside, seen ‘em all. Why endure all the hassle of traveling, when I can just drive around the neighborhood?

Speaking about driving, do you know how dangerous it is to drive in foreign countries, what with steering wheels on the wrong side, no speed limits, and bandits lurking on isolated country roads?

I prefer to risk life and limb at the traffic circles right here at home. According to the New Jersey Dept. of Transportation, there are no set rules for driving into, around, and out of a traffic circle in New Jersey. Who needs the autobahn?

As Noel says:
What explains this mass mania?
To leave Pennsylvania
And clack around like flocks of geese
Demanding dry martinis on the isles of Greece?

My bags aren’t packed and I’m clearly not ready to go. But if you are…Bon Voyage !

5 comments:

papashantz said...

i'm w/ you, although i wouldnt mind a trip to the desert at this point. the humidididity is really starting to get to me..

Anonymous said...

I'm for cooking and traveling in the off season

Anonymous said...

My father always said that New Jersey was the best kept secret...the shore, 2 great cities, and plenty of country with milk and honey abound. who needs greece when you live in Jersey! not me either, LC.

Anonymous said...

Too true. I always see my life flash before my eyes when I try to merge onto or exit one of those traffic circles. And what is up with the no left turns in New Jersey? You have to just keep turning right and you find yourself in a circle all over again. Some would say its square to just stay at home, but I say, when home is Jersey, its "circle." ba dum bum

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, LC. The term traveling for pleasure is an oxymoron. I'm going on a staycation this summer ----no traffic, no nasty flight attendants and all the pleasures of home.