What's Your Name?

By Judith Garfield

I’m outdated.

My name gives me away. Nobody is named Judy anymore. It’s a name that reveals more about me than I would like. It didn’t start out that way. It was a perfectly fine name when it was bestowed upon me. But the longer I have it, the more troublesome it becomes.

Yes, I have some fine company. Judy Garland, Judi Densch, Judy Holiday, and Judge Judy. What do we all have in common? We’re old. Or dead. You won’t see any modern parents calling their new twins Judy and Barry, or Phyliss and Bruce. The baby boomer names are waaaaay out of fashion. And according to the experts, it will probably take four generations for them to become popular again.

Perhaps the most difficult thing you will ever do as a parent is give a child a name. Charlize may sound real cute now in 2009, but fast forward to when little Charlize is sending out resumes and is relegated to the “too old” pile without even an interview.

Celebrities these days go out of their way to come up with unique names. Nicole Ritchie just named her new baby boy Sparrow Midnight. David and Victoria Beckham have Brooklyn, and Ashlee Simpson has Bronx Mowgli. Rachel Griffiths has Banjo and Jason Lee has Pilot Inspektor. Naming your baby a noun and or a geographic location somehow seems a little unfair to the baby, but luckily in this country one is allowed to change one’s name to anything one wants. The secret is to be different enough to stand out, but not weird enough to be teased.

Remember in the old days, when actors always changed their original names to blend in? Archibald MacLeish became Cary Grant, Bernard Schwartz became Tony Curtis, and-- you probably didn’t know this--but Sandra Dee was once Alexandra Zuck.

So Bronx, Pilot, and Banjo, don’t despair. Let us not forget that having a funny name did not stop a certain someone from becoming President.